Stupid Dog

January 3, 2009 at 2:00 am (Family Life)

Completely unintentionally, I have the ‘last word’ on the recent incident with the annoying little drop-kick dog that lives in our house.  My Wife, my Daughter, and even my Son have already had their say about it, so now it’s my turn.

The facts are quite simple.  The Pomeranian walked over to my wife and peed on her foot. I watched him do it, and didn’t realize what he was doing until it was too late.  I then asked my wife if she wanted the big gun (.45) or the little gun (.38).  Unfortunately, she chose the camera instead.  Apparently  illustrating the story was worth leaving the pee on her foot until pictures were taken.

So, why did he do it?

The simple answer is because he is stupid.  He’s so stupid that calling him stupid is an insult to stupid.  He’s stupid enough that him peeing on my wife’s foot is really no surprise to anyone that knows him.  He’s just stupid, stupid, stupid… well, you get the idea.

He’s stupid and useless.  He might make an acceptable alarm, if he would only bark at people or animals in or near our yard, but no.  He barks when someone comes to the door, but he also barks at us when we walk upstairs.  He even barks at people walking OUT the door.  Frequently (read multiple times an hour) he barks at… nothing.  Nobody walking on the street, no critters in the yard, just – nothing.

And he’s not house broken, and never will be.  Before you try to tell me that any dog is trainable, remember that this dog is STUPID.  To house break a dog, you typically scold him when he piddles in the house, and take him outside.  Most dogs figure it out fairly quickly.  Sometimes you even have to crate the dog, and only allow him in the house after he’s gone.  But not with Dudley, because he’s stupid.   The crate trick works, because dogs won’t soil a confined area like a crate.  Most dogs, but not Dudley.  Leave him in a crate for more than an hour, and you have to take the crate outside to hose it down.

Is he unique for a Pomeranian?  I don’t know.  I’ve never seen a completely housebroken Pomeranian.  But I think it has something to do with the ‘toy’ dogs.  Their heads just aren’t big enough to hold a brain, so they run entirely on their spinal cord.

In summary, the bigger the dog, the bigger the brain; the bigger the brain, the better the dog.  Oh, and Dudley is STUPID.



  1. Elaine said,

    Yep, you got the final say on the subject 😀

    Not personally knowing any Pomeranian dogs I cannot speak for the breed. I have met other dogs that are just not house breakable – they just don’t seem to get it. I’ve been fortunate that I’ve always had dogs that were trainable, to a point. Beagles are good dogs, friendly and trainable but they are thick sculled and follow instinct way too much.

    If Dudley is not too young he may not be with you much longer…… 😕

  2. gingerporter said,

    Do you think you were able to fit stupid in there enough times?

    I think I would have to agree that calling Dudley stupid is truly an insult to those people and animals who truly are, well, stupid…

  3. The Tale of Mom and Dog « Birdwhisperer’s Weblog said,

    […] Dad’s: the tone will be snarkily/sarcastically/resignedly/wryly humorous. It will either be short and precise or drawn out, including just how not-bright Dudley is (like growling at the dog that is eight times his size when the bigger dog comes over and wants to take his pizza crust). He’ll most likely point out the facts that Dudley has peed on their bed and in his shoes. (Dad’s post is here.) […]

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